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Friday Five: Books I’m Reading to Prepare for Foster Care

March 11, 2022March 15, 2022
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We’ve officially started the process to become foster parents! Like, literally just started. We’ve submitted our background checks and had our first interview with the social worker. After doing some research and talking with the social worker, here are the books I’m reading to prepare for foster care! *I’m sure there will be more than these 5, but you gotta start somewhere!

The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

Our social worker recommended this book, but it’s been on my reading list since my son was born. It’s a great parenting book in general, detailing the neuroscience behind your child’s developing brain, and how best to communicate with and discipline your child based on where they’re at in their development.

The Connected Child by David R. Cross, Karyn B. Purvis, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine

This book is written specifically for adoptive and foster parents. This book discusses the range of backgrounds the child might be coming from, and how that will affect their development. Reading this in tandem with “Whole-Brain Child” definitely helped me to begin to wrap my head around the difficulties any child has as their brains and skills are developing, and how to help a child with developmental delays.

Rage Against the Minivan by Kristen Howerton

This is one of those books that I found sort of unintentionally. I added it to my reading list after someone recommended it as a parenting book (it’s not really). I tend to choose the next book I read at random, or based on whatever is available at the library, and that’s what happened here. The audiobook was available and I was about to drive a couple of hours, so I added it, not really knowing what I was getting into. Kristen dealt with infertility, and she has two children who joined her family through adoption, and she had two children biologically. I listened to this book before being diagnosed with endometriosis, but after we had been TTC for a year and a half. Adopting and fostering have been on my mind since my son was born, but we hadn’t reached out to any agencies yet. Rage begins with a chapter on infertility, and the next chapter is the story of her first adoption. This book is actually very funny, but I cried for my entire drive. What she says about infertility is so spot-on, and the way she talks about the love, joy, and inherent heartache with adoption was beautiful. Her book is also great because she doesn’t sugarcoat parenthood.

Motherhood So White by Nefertiti Austin

By the time I read this book, we had already signed up for an orientation with a local foster care agency. Now, at its core, this book is a fantastic resource for Black foster-parent-hopefuls, especially single women. Nefertiti Austin, as a single woman, wanted to adopt a Black baby boy from foster care, and when she began on her journey, there were very few resources available to her. Few if any adoption books are written by single women or Black women, so she wrote her own book! It gives amazing insight into the fostering-to-adopt, from a practical and emotional standpoint.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

This is the only book on this list that I haven’t read yet, but I am so excited to! The social worker recommended this book as well. As someone with PTSD, I know the toll that trauma can take on the body. But I experienced trauma as a full-grown woman, not while I was still developing! This book outlines not only the effects that trauma can have on the brain, mind, and body, but also how to begin the healing process. Very, very excited about this one! If you’ve read it, let me know what you thought in the comments!

If you’re interested in getting any of these books on thriftbooks.com, just click on the hyperlink! If you spend $30, we both get a free book (: and who doesn’t love free books?

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Hi! Grace here. I'm a writer, actor, filmmaker, milspouse, bio and foster mom.

I began writing as a way of coping with depression and anxiety. I find my monsters behave better when I create outward chaos (which is how I would describe most of my work and life).

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gracedayacts

This little gift from @rambleandcompany was exactl This little gift from @rambleandcompany was exactly what I needed today. As we said goodbye yesterday, and say hello today, I’m mustering all the courage I’ve got to support these kiddos and our family through hard transitions.
Some of mothering is intuitive, and some is not. A Some of mothering is intuitive, and some is not. A lot of what I thought was just my natural maternal instinct is, I believe, what I picked up from my own mom. I had the best master class in parenting anyone could ask for, watching my mom, and as I grow up and being on the receiving end of her love and care. I’ve always felt fortunate for having the mom that I have, but never more so than since we started our fostering journey. 

Kids come into foster care for all sorts of reasons. By accident (yes, that is a horrifying reality), due to poverty and difficult situations, and due to serious neglect and abuse. We have yet to come across the last one. 

The mothers of the babies in our car LOVE their babies. They love them and they want what’s best for them. Just like most mothers. They’re doing the best they can. Just like most mothers. 

The difference is, they don’t have the same support and haven’t been given all the right tools for success. Things I took for granted.

Happy Mother’s Day to my wonderful mom. I am so, so, so lucky to have you. 

Happy Mother’s Day to these moms I get to mother alongside. 

If anyone is interested in supporting struggling moms and helping prevent families from being separated, check out “Safe Families”. They’re a great organization helping get the right tools to parents.
As an actress-foster parent-bio mom-military spous As an actress-foster parent-bio mom-military spouse, you might think I’d be used to waiting by now. I have after all chosen so many paths that include a lot of waiting. But, like most everybody, I hate waiting. Good news or bad news, I like to have all the information ASAP. I am *trying* really hard to find joy in the waiting, to live in the moment, and bloom where I’m planted. It’s tough, folks. Life is tough. But as we remind Milo and Milo reminds us, “we can do tough things.”
Strawberry picking with my strawberry (and also th Strawberry picking with my strawberry (and also the rest of the crew + @annabeloftheball who is visiting this week). I’ve been feeling so sad and frustrated lately, it’s good to have family and sunshine to help me remember how fortunate I am. 

Shirt from @rambleandcompany 
Berry picking at @thekingsgoodvineyard
It’s hard to believe this funny, creative, kind- It’s hard to believe this funny, creative, kind-hearted child has been with me for 5 years. Milo, I love you more everyday. You are magic and goodness and spirit bottled up in one tiny human. I am so delighted and lucky to be your mama.
Daily reminder to play hard and be nice❤️ Daily reminder to play hard and be nice❤️
When we first moved to Wichita Falls a few years a When we first moved to Wichita Falls a few years ago, I popped into this cute store downtown and fell in love. Women-run, brimming with creativity and joy, it’s a place that feels like home. I am so so excited to be an ambassador for their store, to share their goodies and encourage more people to shop at this awesome small business! Give @rambleandcompany a follow and peep my laptop’s new sticker, from one of their adorable sticker bundles. DM for a code to get 15% off your purchase!
Just remembering this magical night from a couple Just remembering this magical night from a couple of weeks ago. 

These people are top of the list. Some of the most important people in my life, and look at where these friendships led. To a movie I love and am proud of. To an incredible night (thank you @tessafayem, @shawn_o_rama, and @sayfaystyles!!!) of celebrating and watching @retreatexclamationpoint 

I feel very, very fortunate for the love and support and enduring creative spirit.

HMU: @annabeloftheball 
Vintage dress from @fashiongaragewf
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#funnylady #solosketch #smirksinprogress #womenincomedy #jokes #comedy #teentrends
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We read him books. We got him water. We got him a We read him books. We got him water. We got him a snack. And he still got out of bed to interrupt us watching Barry and talk about things he doesn’t was us to forget for a full 20 minutes.
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Some residents of the island of misfit toys: a sug Some residents of the island of misfit toys: a sugar plum fairy with missing parts and a doll with a penchant for broken hearts.
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